Please Read!

[GaryG64]

Personal note:
I know this isn't a happy topic, but I feel I need to share this.
The holidays are a hard time for many people, especially veterans suffering from PTSD, TBI and depression. If you need to reach out, don't hesitate one more second and call the Veteran's Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Suicide is not just plaguing veterans as many civilians battle depression. What tears my heart out, is the number of children who commit suicide.
If you or a loved one is struggling with depression I urge you to talk to someone or call 988. There is always someone to talk to, of course there are friends, family, or loved ones.

I know what it's like brothers, I've been there, pistol in hand contemplating to do it only a few months ago.
I'm glad my wife convinced me to call my doctor.

I got the help I needed, and doing well.
If you're struggling you can get help too, please.

 

[Down Time]

Glad you are here. I wish many others were too, my Wife's brother for one.

 

[Pantherman]

Personal note:
I know this isn't a happy topic, but I feel I need to share this.
The holidays are a hard time for many people, especially veterans suffering from PTSD, TBI and depression. If you need to reach out, don't hesitate one more second and call the Veteran's Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Suicide is not just plaguing veterans as many civilians battle depression. What tears my heart out, is the number of children who commit suicide.
If you or a loved one is struggling with depression I urge you to talk to someone or call 988. There is always someone to talk to, of course there are friends, family, or loved ones.

I know what it's like brothers, I've been there, pistol in hand contemplating to do it only a few months ago.
I'm glad my wife convinced me to call my doctor.

I got the help I needed, and doing well.
If you're struggling you can get help too, please.

Well said, help is always available if you just ask....Pantherman

 

[GaryG64]

Glad you are here. I wish many others were too, my Wife's brother for one.

I am so sorry for your loss, I truly am.
The monster can be defeated, but there are times when he digs his claws in so deep. That's how it was my first time. I was about to pull the trigger when my dog walked in shaking his head, that was in '98.
So I had/have a real problem with the demons.

I have a great psychiatrist and a great therapist because my demons are always in the back of my head.

Things are looking up, now.

 

[Pantherman]

I am so sorry for your loss, I truly am.
The monster can be defeated, but there are times when he digs his claws in so deep. That's how it was my first time. I was about to pull the trigger when my dog walked in shaking his head, that was in '98.
So I had/have a real problem with the demons.

I have a great psychiatrist and a great therapist because my demons are always in the back of my head.

Things are looking up, now.

Stay strong brother. You have proven yourself in defeating the demons before so with as much help as possible it can be done again.

Need your advice on these group builds in the very many years that I intend to have building myself stupid. Pantherman

 

[Down Time]

Demons come in all forms, mine was alcohol. A slow self destruction, thank God for my wife and Daughter.

 

[Damien83]

New to forum/modeling and this is first post I see. What a great post.

As a veteran, I have experienced demons after coming home back in 2006. Saw a lot of $hit and had friends give the ultimate sacrifice. I'll tell my story on how I got there.

Came back from deployment and thought I was good at dealing with things. I lived that "you're a man and men don't cry/show emotion". I was very good at pushing things down and not dealing with them. Well, it started creeping up (dreams were the absolute worst) until I was hit with unexplainable guilt and feelings of being lesser than my brothers that passed. I dealt as best I could for a few weeks. I started becoming distant from my wife and son. Wife and I started having issues (due to me being distant and isolating myself). We had divorce papers in hand ready to sign it was so bad. When that happened, I made the choice to end things. In no way would I be able to deal with her moving on and my son having another father figure in his life.

So one day I was at work. I decided I was going to do it. Plan I thought would be perfect. Wife had late meetings at work and would not be home until around 6ish. About mid-day I mentioned I had an "appt" to supervisor. I left and went home. I wrote a quick note and grabbed my pistol. I sat in middle of living room sobbing. I placed pistol where it needed to go and right as I was going to do it, my wife comes walking into the house.

She immediately looked at me and asked me what I thought I was doing. I sat there speechless, just sobbing. I remember having the pistol still in my hand but laying on my lap. Without missing a step, she walks over and removes the gun, puts it on the table. She comes back over and just holds me. Tells me everything is going to be alright.

After sitting there for what seemed like forever. I finally mustered up enough words to express how sorry I was and just let everything come out. I laid so much on here in that instant. I ended up calling what was Military OneSource that night to get an immediate referral to a therapist. The next day I was in talking to someone. After a few sessions of therapy, I was told I had survivors guilt and PTSD. I had no idea what either one was or even meant.

All I can say is God bless my wife. She ended up feeling something was wrong and came home. Still to this day she cannot explain why. I learned so much in the year after going through therapy. She also went through some things because we didn't know that she also suffered from stuff I told her and knowing she almost lost me while deployed. I stayed in therapy for almost 2 years learning coping mechanisms. But, more importantly, learning how to express emotions and not let things bottle up to the point of exploding. My biggest regret is not knowing how a simple selfish action has ripple affects to family and friends. That was really an eye opener for me in therapy.

Now here we are, married 19 years......three beautiful grown boys and a grandbaby. All thanks to my wife who felt something was off one day and followed up on that feeling. Sorry for the long FRAT (f*ck reading all that). I just wanted to add and to say that whatever demons you are going through, there is a light at the end, even when you feel like you're in your darkest. No matter what, you matter and are loved. Seek the help if you need it. If anyone is dealing with something and don't know where to turn, please PM me.

 

[Pantherman]

New to forum/modeling and this is first post I see. What a great post.

As a veteran, I have experienced demons after coming home back in 2006. Saw a lot of $hit and had friends give the ultimate sacrifice. I'll tell my story on how I got there.

Came back from deployment and thought I was good at dealing with things. I lived that "you're a man and men don't cry/show emotion". I was very good at pushing things down and not dealing with them. Well, it started creeping up (dreams were the absolute worst) until I was hit with unexplainable guilt and feelings of being lesser than my brothers that passed. I dealt as best I could for a few weeks. I started becoming distant from my wife and son. Wife and I started having issues (due to me being distant and isolating myself). We had divorce papers in hand ready to sign it was so bad. When that happened, I made the choice to end things. In no way would I be able to deal with her moving on and my son having another father figure in his life.

So one day I was at work. I decided I was going to do it. Plan I thought would be perfect. Wife had late meetings at work and would not be home until around 6ish. About mid-day I mentioned I had an "appt" to supervisor. I left and went home. I wrote a quick note and grabbed my pistol. I sat in middle of living room sobbing. I placed pistol where it needed to go and right as I was going to do it, my wife comes walking into the house.

She immediately looked at me and asked me what I thought I was doing. I sat there speechless, just sobbing. I remember having the pistol still in my hand but laying on my lap. Without missing a step, she walks over and removes the gun, puts it on the table. She comes back over and just holds me. Tells me everything is going to be alright.

After sitting there for what seemed like forever. I finally mustered up enough words to express how sorry I was and just let everything come out. I laid so much on here in that instant. I ended up calling what was Military OneSource that night to get an immediate referral to a therapist. The next day I was in talking to someone. After a few sessions of therapy, I was told I had survivors guilt and PTSD. I had no idea what either one was or even meant.

All I can say is God bless my wife. She ended up feeling something was wrong and came home. Still to this day she cannot explain why. I learned so much in the year after going through therapy. She also went through some things because we didn't know that she also suffered from stuff I told her and knowing she almost lost me while deployed. I stayed in therapy for almost 2 years learning coping mechanisms. But, more importantly, learning how to express emotions and not let things bottle up to the point of exploding. My biggest regret is not knowing how a simple selfish action has ripple affects to family and friends. That was really an eye opener for me in therapy.

Now here we are, married 19 years......three beautiful grown boys and a grandbaby. All thanks to my wife who felt something was off one day and followed up on that feeling. Sorry for the long FRAT (f*ck reading all that). I just wanted to add and to say that whatever demons you are going through, there is a light at the end, even when you feel like you're in your darkest. No matter what, you matter and are loved. Seek the help if you need it. If anyone is dealing with something and don't know where to turn, please PM me.

Wow, what a tale and thanks for sharing. Welcome to the forum. Sure you will enjoy it here. Pantherman

 

[Down Time]

Welcome!!!!!
Glad and happy you are her in more ways than one.
Building is mostly my winter hobby, keeps the hands busy.
We look forward to seeing your builds, post lots of pictures.

 

[GaryG64]

Well said, help is always available if you just ask....Pantherman

That is true.
I poured my heart to my brother, Pantherman.

He or I are hear if you need us. As well as any of us. We are a close-knit family. We may never meet each other l, but I like We are ger for each other.

 

[GaryG64]

New to forum/modeling and this is first post I see. What a great post.

As a veteran, I have experienced demons after coming home back in 2006. Saw a lot of $hit and had friends give the ultimate sacrifice. I'll tell my story on how I got there.

Came back from deployment and thought I was good at dealing with things. I lived that "you're a man and men don't cry/show emotion". I was very good at pushing things down and not dealing with them. Well, it started creeping up (dreams were the absolute worst) until I was hit with unexplainable guilt and feelings of being lesser than my brothers that passed. I dealt as best I could for a few weeks. I started becoming distant from my wife and son. Wife and I started having issues (due to me being distant and isolating myself). We had divorce papers in hand ready to sign it was so bad. When that happened, I made the choice to end things. In no way would I be able to deal with her moving on and my son having another father figure in his life.

So one day I was at work. I decided I was going to do it. Plan I thought would be perfect. Wife had late meetings at work and would not be home until around 6ish. About mid-day I mentioned I had an "appt" to supervisor. I left and went home. I wrote a quick note and grabbed my pistol. I sat in middle of living room sobbing. I placed pistol where it needed to go and right as I was going to do it, my wife comes walking into the house.

She immediately looked at me and asked me what I thought I was doing. I sat there speechless, just sobbing. I remember having the pistol still in my hand but laying on my lap. Without missing a step, she walks over and removes the gun, puts it on the table. She comes back over and just holds me. Tells me everything is going to be alright.

After sitting there for what seemed like forever. I finally mustered up enough words to express how sorry I was and just let everything come out. I laid so much on here in that instant. I ended up calling what was Military OneSource that night to get an immediate referral to a therapist. The next day I was in talking to someone. After a few sessions of therapy, I was told I had survivors guilt and PTSD. I had no idea what either one was or even meant.

All I can say is God bless my wife. She ended up feeling something was wrong and came home. Still to this day she cannot explain why. I learned so much in the year after going through therapy. She also went through some things because we didn't know that she also suffered from stuff I told her and knowing she almost lost me while deployed. I stayed in therapy for almost 2 years learning coping mechanisms. But, more importantly, learning how to express emotions and not let things bottle up to the point of exploding. My biggest regret is not knowing how a simple selfish action has ripple affects to family and friends. That was really an eye opener for me in therapy.

Now here we are, married 19 years......three beautiful grown boys and a grandbaby. All thanks to my wife who felt something was off one day and followed up on that feeling. Sorry for the long FRAT (f*ck reading all that). I just wanted to add and to say that whatever demons you are going through, there is a light at the end, even when you feel like you're in your darkest. No matter what, you matter and are loved. Seek the help if you need it. If anyone is dealing with something and don't know where to turn, please PM me.

Damien, first of all i want to thank you for your service.
I'm glad your wife found you in the biggest need of your life and that you were able to get the help you need(ed).
Yes, our "simple" action affects so many loved ones, friends, and family now and in the furture.
This is so much better than the alternative.

 

[ohbejuan]

thank you all for sharing here. Important powerful stuff, and I am honored by your trust in this group.

 

[GaryG64]

thank you all for sharing here. Important powerful stuff, and I am honored by your trust in this group.

I feel it is sm important topic all yearlong every single day.
In this group we are a family, a family we can trust and count on to have each other's backs.

 

[Damien83]

Thank you guys. I wasn't wanting any attention at all. I just wanted to put out what I experienced so if someone that may be lurking can see that with help available, there are alternatives to making that decision.

My wife was, and still is my rock. She can read me like a book and knows when something is starting to bother me or is going on. I count my blessings everyday she walked in that day. I'm not a spiritual person, but I know that day God decided I had better plans.

Again thank you guys for the love. Look forward to engaging more on the forum.

 

[Pantherman]

Thank you guys. I wasn't wanting any attention at all. I just wanted to put out what I experienced so if someone that may be lurking can see that with help available, there are alternatives to making that decision.

My wife was, and still is my rock. She can read me like a book and knows when something is starting to bother me or is going on. I count my blessings everyday she walked in that day. I'm not a spiritual person, but I know that day God decided I had better plans.

Again thank you guys for the love. Look forward to engaging more on the forum.

Alot of great members here always ready to help, not just modeling.

Maybe try a group build if you get a chance as alot of fun and Great camaraderie to be had.

If you can't find something that interests you then just make a suggestion, one of us is bound to give it a go.

I really enjoyed just doing german armour but the group builds have really widened my eyes and skills. Pantherman

 

[GaryG64]

Thank you guys. I wasn't wanting any attention at all. I just wanted to put out what I experienced so if someone that may be lurking can see that with help available, there are alternatives to making that decision.

My wife was, and still is my rock. She can read me like a book and knows when something is starting to bother me or is going on. I count my blessings everyday she walked in that day. I'm not a spiritual person, but I know that day God decided I had better plans.

Again thank you guys for the love. Look forward to engaging more on the forum.

Wives are great. Mine too knows me better than I know myself.

What are some kits you like to build?
As Pantherman stated we have a group, and we are always looking for others to join in. We put out kit ideas and settle on one.
We would love to have you join in.
I'm hoping Santa will drop off a kit or two.

Thanks, again, brother for sharing.

What about a submarine? Any genre. If someone wants to build a Civil War type or WW I or if someone wants to build an Ohio class for their build.

 

[Pantherman]

Wives are great. Mine too knows me better than I know myself.

What are some kits you like to build?
As Pantherman stated we have a group, and we are always looking for others to join in. We put out kit ideas and settle on one.
We would love to have you join in.
I'm hoping Santa will drop off a kit or two.

Thanks, again, brother for sharing.

What about a submarine? Any genre. If someone wants to build a Civil War type or WW I or if someone wants to build an Ohio class for their build.

I have this in the stash, not too expensive but looks like a nice kit. Pantherman

 

[GaryG64]

I have this in the stash, not too expensive but looks like a nice kit. Pantherman

View attachment 110783

I saw that one on Amazon. It looks really cool.

 

[Pantherman]

I saw that one on Amazon. It looks really cool.

I haven't opened the box but if we are looking at this for a future group build then I will open it up and let you all know. Pantherman

 

[Jim62]

Keeping you and all others facing the same trials in my prayers.

 

[GaryG64]

Keeping you and all others facing the same trials in my prayers.

Thank you Jim.

 

[GaryG64]

I still deal with depression and anxiety as others might as well. With myself I great help from a therapist, psychiatrist, friends & family, and all of you.

I know I may, and others may not rid ourselves completely of our demons. I wish I could rid these demons from everyone.
Since I cannot I can urge others to please, please seek help.

This is something I feel strongly about and decided to post it here to let our brothers know we are another avenue for help and here for each other.

I hope this topic is not out of line for this site.

 

[Damien83]

Wives are great. Mine too knows me better than I know myself.

What are some kits you like to build?
As Pantherman stated we have a group, and we are always looking for others to join in. We put out kit ideas and settle on one.
We would love to have you join in.
I'm hoping Santa will drop off a kit or two.

Thanks, again, brother for sharing.

What about a submarine? Any genre. If someone wants to build a Civil War type or WW I or if someone wants to build an Ohio class for their build.

Right now my first build is the Tamiya Churchill Mk.VII. I'm about halfway done. Just taking my time and learning. I've looked at a couple other kits and think I'm sticking with military kits (tanks, planes, subs, helis etc.). Hell yea, I'd love to join the group.

 

[Pantherman]

Right now my first build is the Tamiya Churchill Mk.VII. I'm about halfway done. Just taking my time and learning. I've looked at a couple other kits and think I'm sticking with military kits (tanks, planes, subs, helis etc.). Hell yea, I'd love to join the group.

More than welcome, the more the merrier. Pantherman

 

[Damien83]

I still deal with depression and anxiety as others might as well. With myself I great help from a therapist, psychiatrist, friends & family, and all of you.

I know I may, and others may not rid ourselves completely of our demons. I wish I could rid these demons from everyone.
Since I cannot I can urge others to please, please seek help.

This is something I feel strongly about and decided to post it here to let our brothers know we are another avenue for help and here for each other.

I hope this topic is not out of line for this site.

Like you, I still deal with depression and anxiety. My biggest struggle is the anxiety when I'm in a crowded place or stuck in traffic. My brain is always looking for an out and if I don't have/see one I start getting antsy. The anxiety has stopped me from attending concert festivals and sporting events in the past.

This past year I made myself attend a few college games and felt good. Little bit of anxiety, but using some things I've learned with how to reduce it, I actually had a great time with my youngest son. Best part was watching him enjoy himself, especially being 16 and his head constantly turning and looking at all the college girls walking around. Guess next year I shouldn't purchase season tickets next to the student section. LOL.

 

[GaryG64]

Like you, I still deal with depression and anxiety. My biggest struggle is the anxiety when I'm in a crowded place or stuck in traffic. My brain is always looking for an out and if I don't have/see one I start getting antsy. The anxiety has stopped me from attending concert festivals and sporting events in the past.

This past year I made myself attend a few college games and felt good. Little bit of anxiety, but using some things I've learned with how to reduce it, I actually had a great time with my youngest son. Best part was watching him enjoy himself, especially being 16 and his head constantly turning and looking at all the college girls walking around. Guess next year I shouldn't purchase season tickets next to the student section. LOL.

LOL. lots of cuties walking around, like a puppy in the butcher shop.
Which college? I really enjoy college ball over pro ball. In my opinion college ball just has so much energy and spirit.
My wife got her bachelors and masters at Texas A&M. I'm at Sam Houston State University, but all online. My first go round was in Arkansas.

Whrn I got out of the hospital, in October, my wife wanted to meet our youngest at Chick-Fil-A, I thought it would be fun. NOPE! That was the worst.
I haven't really ventured through large crowds since that day. I know, eventually, it will get better.
One day at a time.

 

[Damien83]

LOL. lots of cuties walking around, like a puppy in the butcher shop.
Which college? I really enjoy college ball over pro ball. In my opinion college ball just has so much energy and spirit.
My wife got her bachelors and masters at Texas A&M. I'm at Sam Houston State University, but all online. My first go round was in Arkansas.

Whrn I got out of the hospital, in October, my wife wanted to meet our youngest at Chick-Fil-A, I thought it would be fun. NOPE! That was the worst.
I haven't really ventured through large crowds since that day. I know, eventually, it will get better.
One day at a time.

UF. I'm a born and raised Gator. This past year I pulled trigger on season tickets to get myself out of my comfort zone.

Cuties isn't even the word. I told my wife, if we had a daughter and they ever dressed as skimpy as some of the ones we saw, she would get a serious ass beating. Skirts so short that if the wind blew just right you would see everything. But, of course he was in hog heaven.

 

[GaryG64]

UF. I'm a born and raised Gator. This past year I pulled trigger on season tickets to get myself out of my comfort zone.

Cuties isn't even the word. I told my wife, if we had a daughter and they ever dressed as skimpy as some of the ones we saw, she would get a serious ass beating. Skirts so short that if the wind blew just right you would see everything. But, of course he was in hog heaven.

I have 2 daughters. The youngest is all tomboy now worries there. But the oldest... I had problems. Wearing shorts with her ass cheeks hanging out‽ No ma'am. Get upstairs and change.
I swear if I could I put her in a suit of armor. She just turned 20 and now she is an adult and her wardrobe has toned down.

They're cuties when they are not yours, but each one of those young ladies may have a father like you and me.

My wife's university did awful this year, Texas A & M.
Now I'm rooting for UT in the final 4.
I watched the Georgia/Alabama game. That was a good game.
I like UF, they just need to stop killing alligators to make Gatorade. Lol good school and good team too.
It seems attending large event like a college game would be my ultimate test.
I'm glad it's working for you. Im just not quite there just yet.
It takes time, brother. We'll get there.

 

[Damien83]

I have 2 daughters. The youngest is all tomboy now worries there. But the oldest... I had problems. Wearing shorts with her ass cheeks hanging out‽ No ma'am. Get upstairs and change.
I swear if I could I put her in a suit of armor. She just turned 20 and now she is an adult and her wardrobe has toned down.

They're cuties when they are not yours, but each one of those young ladies may have a father like you and me.

My wife's university did awful this year, Texas A & M.
Now I'm rooting for UT in the final 4.
I watched the Georgia/Alabama game. That was a good game.
I like UF, they just need to stop killing alligators to make Gatorade. Lol good school and good team too.
It seems attending large event like a college game would be my ultimate test.
I'm glad it's working for you. Im just not quite there just yet.
It takes time, brother. We'll get there.

Man I feel for you. When my wife was pregnant with our youngest she was high risk and had to have an ultrasound every week. Every time we went in the lady doing the ultrasound knew she had to check and make sure his peanut was still there. I even told her OB during delivery that if he came out without that peanut, she needed to put him back in because he obviously isn't done cooking.

I fully agree. If their fathers were in town I seriously doubt they'd be dressing like that. We have taught our boys to treat girls with respect no matter how they dress or act.

Jimbo sure didn't work out like A&M thought. Now he gets to sit at home collecting that $100M. We are sure in the wrong line of work. I hate to say it, but I'm pulling for Bama.

It is a test for sure. First game was nerve wracking. I almost backed out walking into stadium. It definitely takes time and you will get there. If you're ever down this way during a season, I'd be glad for you to come along. Maybe it might be good to go with someone that has the same fear/phobia/whatever you want to call it.

 

[GaryG64]

Man I feel for you. When my wife was pregnant with our youngest she was high risk and had to have an ultrasound every week. Every time we went in the lady doing the ultrasound knew she had to check and make sure his peanut was still there. I even told her OB during delivery that if he came out without that peanut, she needed to put him back in because he obviously isn't done cooking.

I fully agree. If their fathers were in town I seriously doubt they'd be dressing like that. We have taught our boys to treat girls with respect no matter how they dress or act.

Jimbo sure didn't work out like A&M thought. Now he gets to sit at home collecting that $100M. We are sure in the wrong line of work. I hate to say it, but I'm pulling for Bama.

It is a test for sure. First game was nerve wracking. I almost backed out walking into stadium. It definitely takes time and you will get there. If you're ever down this way during a season, I'd be glad for you to come along. Maybe it might be good to go with someone that has the same fear/phobia/whatever you want to call it.

I'm sure happy you and your wife had healthy boys.
I was taught the same thing about holding women in the highest of respect. Women are a precious gift, and need and deserve respect.
I feel Jimbo was a mistake from day 1. However, I think next season will be an about-face. A&M has made a lot of key picks for the players on the upcoming season. It should be interesting to watch.
I've gone back to college. I'm going to SHSU (Sam Houston State University) in Huntsville, Texas, and the football team did very well!
But, my main-line team is Auburn, and the college of engineering at Auburn holds my family's last name, so thats kind of cool in itself. https://www.eng.auburn.edu/
Going to a Gator game sounds like fun, thank you for the invite.
Having similar issues and someone to chat with makes it a less obtrusive topic. It's always nice to talk to someone with like issues.
I'm just a chat away.

Gary