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GaryG64

GaryG64

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2022
Messages
1,755
Personal note:
I know this isn't a happy topic, but I feel I need to share this.
The holidays are a hard time for many people, especially veterans suffering from PTSD, TBI and depression. If you need to reach out, don't hesitate one more second and call the Veteran's Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Suicide is not just plaguing veterans as many civilians battle depression. What tears my heart out, is the number of children who commit suicide.
If you or a loved one is struggling with depression I urge you to talk to someone or call 988. There is always someone to talk to, of course there are friends, family, or loved ones.

I know what it's like brothers, I've been there, pistol in hand contemplating to do it only a few months ago.
I'm glad my wife convinced me to call my doctor.

I got the help I needed, and doing well.
If you're struggling you can get help too, please.
 
GEG64 said:
Personal note:
I know this isn't a happy topic, but I feel I need to share this.
The holidays are a hard time for many people, especially veterans suffering from PTSD, TBI and depression. If you need to reach out, don't hesitate one more second and call the Veteran's Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Suicide is not just plaguing veterans as many civilians battle depression. What tears my heart out, is the number of children who commit suicide.
If you or a loved one is struggling with depression I urge you to talk to someone or call 988. There is always someone to talk to, of course there are friends, family, or loved ones.

I know what it's like brothers, I've been there, pistol in hand contemplating to do it only a few months ago.
I'm glad my wife convinced me to call my doctor.

I got the help I needed, and doing well.
If you're struggling you can get help too, please.
Click to expand...
Well said, help is always available if you just ask....Pantherman
 
Down Time said:
Glad you are here. I wish many others were too, my Wife's brother for one.
Click to expand...
I am so sorry for your loss, I truly am.
The monster can be defeated, but there are times when he digs his claws in so deep. That's how it was my first time. I was about to pull the trigger when my dog walked in shaking his head, that was in '98.
So I had/have a real problem with the demons.

I have a great psychiatrist and a great therapist because my demons are always in the back of my head.

Things are looking up, now. :)
 
GEG64 said:
I am so sorry for your loss, I truly am.
The monster can be defeated, but there are times when he digs his claws in so deep. That's how it was my first time. I was about to pull the trigger when my dog walked in shaking his head, that was in '98.
So I had/have a real problem with the demons.

I have a great psychiatrist and a great therapist because my demons are always in the back of my head.

Things are looking up, now. :)
Click to expand...
Stay strong brother. You have proven yourself in defeating the demons before so with as much help as possible it can be done again.

Need your advice on these group builds in the very many years that I intend to have building myself stupid. Pantherman
 
New to forum/modeling and this is first post I see. What a great post.

As a veteran, I have experienced demons after coming home back in 2006. Saw a lot of $hit and had friends give the ultimate sacrifice. I'll tell my story on how I got there.

Came back from deployment and thought I was good at dealing with things. I lived that "you're a man and men don't cry/show emotion". I was very good at pushing things down and not dealing with them. Well, it started creeping up (dreams were the absolute worst) until I was hit with unexplainable guilt and feelings of being lesser than my brothers that passed. I dealt as best I could for a few weeks. I started becoming distant from my wife and son. Wife and I started having issues (due to me being distant and isolating myself). We had divorce papers in hand ready to sign it was so bad. When that happened, I made the choice to end things. In no way would I be able to deal with her moving on and my son having another father figure in his life.

So one day I was at work. I decided I was going to do it. Plan I thought would be perfect. Wife had late meetings at work and would not be home until around 6ish. About mid-day I mentioned I had an "appt" to supervisor. I left and went home. I wrote a quick note and grabbed my pistol. I sat in middle of living room sobbing. I placed pistol where it needed to go and right as I was going to do it, my wife comes walking into the house.

She immediately looked at me and asked me what I thought I was doing. I sat there speechless, just sobbing. I remember having the pistol still in my hand but laying on my lap. Without missing a step, she walks over and removes the gun, puts it on the table. She comes back over and just holds me. Tells me everything is going to be alright.

After sitting there for what seemed like forever. I finally mustered up enough words to express how sorry I was and just let everything come out. I laid so much on here in that instant. I ended up calling what was Military OneSource that night to get an immediate referral to a therapist. The next day I was in talking to someone. After a few sessions of therapy, I was told I had survivors guilt and PTSD. I had no idea what either one was or even meant.

All I can say is God bless my wife. She ended up feeling something was wrong and came home. Still to this day she cannot explain why. I learned so much in the year after going through therapy. She also went through some things because we didn't know that she also suffered from stuff I told her and knowing she almost lost me while deployed. I stayed in therapy for almost 2 years learning coping mechanisms. But, more importantly, learning how to express emotions and not let things bottle up to the point of exploding. My biggest regret is not knowing how a simple selfish action has ripple affects to family and friends. That was really an eye opener for me in therapy.

Now here we are, married 19 years......three beautiful grown boys and a grandbaby. All thanks to my wife who felt something was off one day and followed up on that feeling. Sorry for the long FRAT (f*ck reading all that). I just wanted to add and to say that whatever demons you are going through, there is a light at the end, even when you feel like you're in your darkest. No matter what, you matter and are loved. Seek the help if you need it. If anyone is dealing with something and don't know where to turn, please PM me.
 
Damien83 said:
New to forum/modeling and this is first post I see. What a great post.

As a veteran, I have experienced demons after coming home back in 2006. Saw a lot of $hit and had friends give the ultimate sacrifice. I'll tell my story on how I got there.

Came back from deployment and thought I was good at dealing with things. I lived that "you're a man and men don't cry/show emotion". I was very good at pushing things down and not dealing with them. Well, it started creeping up (dreams were the absolute worst) until I was hit with unexplainable guilt and feelings of being lesser than my brothers that passed. I dealt as best I could for a few weeks. I started becoming distant from my wife and son. Wife and I started having issues (due to me being distant and isolating myself). We had divorce papers in hand ready to sign it was so bad. When that happened, I made the choice to end things. In no way would I be able to deal with her moving on and my son having another father figure in his life.

So one day I was at work. I decided I was going to do it. Plan I thought would be perfect. Wife had late meetings at work and would not be home until around 6ish. About mid-day I mentioned I had an "appt" to supervisor. I left and went home. I wrote a quick note and grabbed my pistol. I sat in middle of living room sobbing. I placed pistol where it needed to go and right as I was going to do it, my wife comes walking into the house.

She immediately looked at me and asked me what I thought I was doing. I sat there speechless, just sobbing. I remember having the pistol still in my hand but laying on my lap. Without missing a step, she walks over and removes the gun, puts it on the table. She comes back over and just holds me. Tells me everything is going to be alright.

After sitting there for what seemed like forever. I finally mustered up enough words to express how sorry I was and just let everything come out. I laid so much on here in that instant. I ended up calling what was Military OneSource that night to get an immediate referral to a therapist. The next day I was in talking to someone. After a few sessions of therapy, I was told I had survivors guilt and PTSD. I had no idea what either one was or even meant.

All I can say is God bless my wife. She ended up feeling something was wrong and came home. Still to this day she cannot explain why. I learned so much in the year after going through therapy. She also went through some things because we didn't know that she also suffered from stuff I told her and knowing she almost lost me while deployed. I stayed in therapy for almost 2 years learning coping mechanisms. But, more importantly, learning how to express emotions and not let things bottle up to the point of exploding. My biggest regret is not knowing how a simple selfish action has ripple affects to family and friends. That was really an eye opener for me in therapy.

Now here we are, married 19 years......three beautiful grown boys and a grandbaby. All thanks to my wife who felt something was off one day and followed up on that feeling. Sorry for the long FRAT (f*ck reading all that). I just wanted to add and to say that whatever demons you are going through, there is a light at the end, even when you feel like you're in your darkest. No matter what, you matter and are loved. Seek the help if you need it. If anyone is dealing with something and don't know where to turn, please PM me.
Click to expand...
Wow, what a tale and thanks for sharing. Welcome to the forum. Sure you will enjoy it here. Pantherman
 
Welcome!!!!!
Glad and happy you are her in more ways than one.
Building is mostly my winter hobby, keeps the hands busy.
We look forward to seeing your builds, post lots of pictures.
 
Pantherman said:
Well said, help is always available if you just ask....Pantherman
Click to expand...
That is true.
I poured my heart to my brother, Pantherman.

He or I are hear if you need us. As well as any of us. We are a close-knit family. We may never meet each other l, but I like We are ger for each other.
 
Damien83 said:
New to forum/modeling and this is first post I see. What a great post.

As a veteran, I have experienced demons after coming home back in 2006. Saw a lot of $hit and had friends give the ultimate sacrifice. I'll tell my story on how I got there.

Came back from deployment and thought I was good at dealing with things. I lived that "you're a man and men don't cry/show emotion". I was very good at pushing things down and not dealing with them. Well, it started creeping up (dreams were the absolute worst) until I was hit with unexplainable guilt and feelings of being lesser than my brothers that passed. I dealt as best I could for a few weeks. I started becoming distant from my wife and son. Wife and I started having issues (due to me being distant and isolating myself). We had divorce papers in hand ready to sign it was so bad. When that happened, I made the choice to end things. In no way would I be able to deal with her moving on and my son having another father figure in his life.

So one day I was at work. I decided I was going to do it. Plan I thought would be perfect. Wife had late meetings at work and would not be home until around 6ish. About mid-day I mentioned I had an "appt" to supervisor. I left and went home. I wrote a quick note and grabbed my pistol. I sat in middle of living room sobbing. I placed pistol where it needed to go and right as I was going to do it, my wife comes walking into the house.

She immediately looked at me and asked me what I thought I was doing. I sat there speechless, just sobbing. I remember having the pistol still in my hand but laying on my lap. Without missing a step, she walks over and removes the gun, puts it on the table. She comes back over and just holds me. Tells me everything is going to be alright.

After sitting there for what seemed like forever. I finally mustered up enough words to express how sorry I was and just let everything come out. I laid so much on here in that instant. I ended up calling what was Military OneSource that night to get an immediate referral to a therapist. The next day I was in talking to someone. After a few sessions of therapy, I was told I had survivors guilt and PTSD. I had no idea what either one was or even meant.

All I can say is God bless my wife. She ended up feeling something was wrong and came home. Still to this day she cannot explain why. I learned so much in the year after going through therapy. She also went through some things because we didn't know that she also suffered from stuff I told her and knowing she almost lost me while deployed. I stayed in therapy for almost 2 years learning coping mechanisms. But, more importantly, learning how to express emotions and not let things bottle up to the point of exploding. My biggest regret is not knowing how a simple selfish action has ripple affects to family and friends. That was really an eye opener for me in therapy.

Now here we are, married 19 years......three beautiful grown boys and a grandbaby. All thanks to my wife who felt something was off one day and followed up on that feeling. Sorry for the long FRAT (f*ck reading all that). I just wanted to add and to say that whatever demons you are going through, there is a light at the end, even when you feel like you're in your darkest. No matter what, you matter and are loved. Seek the help if you need it. If anyone is dealing with something and don't know where to turn, please PM me.
Click to expand...
Damien, first of all i want to thank you for your service.
I'm glad your wife found you in the biggest need of your life and that you were able to get the help you need(ed).
Yes, our "simple" action affects so many loved ones, friends, and family now and in the furture.
This is so much better than the alternative.
 
ohbejuan said:
thank you all for sharing here. Important powerful stuff, and I am honored by your trust in this group.
Click to expand...
I feel it is sm important topic all yearlong every single day.
In this group we are a family, a family we can trust and count on to have each other's backs.
 
Thank you guys. I wasn't wanting any attention at all. I just wanted to put out what I experienced so if someone that may be lurking can see that with help available, there are alternatives to making that decision.

My wife was, and still is my rock. She can read me like a book and knows when something is starting to bother me or is going on. I count my blessings everyday she walked in that day. I'm not a spiritual person, but I know that day God decided I had better plans.

Again thank you guys for the love. Look forward to engaging more on the forum.
 
Damien83 said:
Thank you guys. I wasn't wanting any attention at all. I just wanted to put out what I experienced so if someone that may be lurking can see that with help available, there are alternatives to making that decision.

My wife was, and still is my rock. She can read me like a book and knows when something is starting to bother me or is going on. I count my blessings everyday she walked in that day. I'm not a spiritual person, but I know that day God decided I had better plans.

Again thank you guys for the love. Look forward to engaging more on the forum.
Click to expand...
Alot of great members here always ready to help, not just modeling.

Maybe try a group build if you get a chance as alot of fun and Great camaraderie to be had.

If you can't find something that interests you then just make a suggestion, one of us is bound to give it a go.

I really enjoyed just doing german armour but the group builds have really widened my eyes and skills. Pantherman
 
Damien83 said:
Thank you guys. I wasn't wanting any attention at all. I just wanted to put out what I experienced so if someone that may be lurking can see that with help available, there are alternatives to making that decision.

My wife was, and still is my rock. She can read me like a book and knows when something is starting to bother me or is going on. I count my blessings everyday she walked in that day. I'm not a spiritual person, but I know that day God decided I had better plans.

Again thank you guys for the love. Look forward to engaging more on the forum.
Click to expand...
Wives are great. Mine too knows me better than I know myself.

What are some kits you like to build?
As Pantherman stated we have a group, and we are always looking for others to join in. We put out kit ideas and settle on one.
We would love to have you join in.
I'm hoping Santa will drop off a kit or two.

Thanks, again, brother for sharing.

What about a submarine? Any genre. If someone wants to build a Civil War type or WW I or if someone wants to build an Ohio class for their build.
 
GEG64 said:
Wives are great. Mine too knows me better than I know myself.

What are some kits you like to build?
As Pantherman stated we have a group, and we are always looking for others to join in. We put out kit ideas and settle on one.
We would love to have you join in.
I'm hoping Santa will drop off a kit or two.

Thanks, again, brother for sharing.

What about a submarine? Any genre. If someone wants to build a Civil War type or WW I or if someone wants to build an Ohio class for their build.
Click to expand...
I have this in the stash, not too expensive but looks like a nice kit. Pantherman

20230715_145952.jpg
 

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